All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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