I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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