I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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