if i died would you start the facebook group?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
