"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
