3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
