She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
