there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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