I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
