Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
