I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
