We're facebook friends in real life
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
