everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
