Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
