Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
