Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
