i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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