I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
