he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
