I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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