Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
