my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
