May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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