JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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