At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
