I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So. Much. Porn.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
