I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Your cock deserves a montage
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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