We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
