my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
