Soap is not a condiment
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
