Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
