Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
