So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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