Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
