My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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