Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
