apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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