dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize