just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
