Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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