can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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