Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
