i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
