If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
