Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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