even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
smell my finger.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
