Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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