I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Say something about gay babies.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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