Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
