In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
