I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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