On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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